OneSided Shizaya
by A Pessimistic Optimist
Summary: GRAPHIC AND UTTERLY DEPRESSING STORY AHEAD, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! Izaya's POV, Suicidal!zaya, RATED M FOR MANY REASONS!


_I always thought I was above a monster like him…but I suppose deep down I knew I was the beast in our strange relationship. It was sudden, I barely remember how this all started…but I know how it'll end._

_I teased him; I tempted him too far and got absolutely devoured by that brute. His rough lips attacked every inch of me…inside and out. Nimble fingers dug into my pale skin and bruised my already scarred skin, he asked no questions and I gave into his swift movements. Metallic was all I could taste throughout the whole experience, biting at my lips with every kiss and causing me to writhe and whimper beneath the blonde. The beast didn't even have the decency to prepare me, just swiftly rocked up deep inside of me, tearing me painfully._

_The crimson staining his hard length with every thrust only increased his heat, dragging me down against him even harder. It was brutal and anything but gentle and yet…it continued. I allowed myself to be broken by him, allowed him to catch me and take me in whichever way he saw fit that certain day. I…I began to love the pain, even love and cling to him each time afterwards. It soon became blissful, he caused me to become addicted to the pain which he gave and I'd thought it would never stop…that this relationship of ours would always continue._

_I was so very wrong…_

_Rather abruptly I figured out he was dating someone….a woman none the least, one which a hated with a passion. Even once I knew this knowledge, though, the brute kept finding me just to ravish me and I relished in this fact. Liking the thought that I was better fit to fulfill this man's needs, but…of course that had to end soon as well._

_He was marrying this woman…chasing me less and less and it killed me inside. Was I really just there for him whenever he was bored, someone to take advantage of before being gentle and loving to another..? Of course I was. Izaya Orihara was just a flea, a thing that had no real emotions and was only there as a living punching bag, a somewhat willing sex toy..._

_But the thing is…I am not unfeeling, I am not a god, and I am very much in love with Shizuo Heiwajima._

_It tore me apart to watch him marry Vorona, to kiss her with so much more affection than he ever showed me…_

_I cried. I cried and screamed and utterly broke down knowing that he'd never chase me again, never hold me in his bruising grasp, never kiss me again and it turned me inside out to know that I would never be good enough to be touched tenderly by that man who almost forced me to fall for him..._

_For a long time I stayed away from where there were, tried to move passed it all…but I still woke up crying, aroused, but in pain. Nothing helped, I tried to take my anger out on others, I tried burying myself in work, hell…I even tried taking pills and drinking. But nothing seemed to get the feel of the blonde's hands off my abused body and it was mentally ripping me in half._

_No longer can I do my job correctly, I quickly fell off that pedestal I had made for myself after so many years and depression caught me like any other pitiful human…_

_So I'm going to do the last thing anyone would think such a cowardly and prideful person everyone thinks I am will do…_

Izaya stared at the letter with dark circles around his red eyes that threatened to spill tears again… Slowly putting down his pen the raven leaned back in his chair and twirled his knife in his pale, thin hand in thought before closing his eyes which only allowed silent tears to stain his cheeks once more.

He rubbed at his sickly sunk-in stomach, feeling his ribs for just a moment before opening his eyes just halfway. Moving his sleeves up, the raven didn't even hesitate to stab at his left wrist. Violently ripping the skin, slicing through the veins rather cleanly so he could make sure he couldn't be saved….not that he believed anyone would want to help him anyways.

The raven screamed, but he was so lost his body acted on its own, brain barely able to comprehend the situation as Izaya's bloody left hand moved to stab at his right wrist. It was less forceful and sloppier this time with his wrist being sliced up.

His cry out this time was more like a choked sob, body terribly shaking from the sudden pain and amount of blood being lost so quickly. And yet…the raven laughed through his choking. It was truly ironic…doing the thing he swore he'd never sink low enough to do for the person he swore he'd never fall for…

Love was definitely a double-edged blade…especially when it's one-sided.


End file.
